Wednesday, February 24, 2010

New Year Update!

I'm ashamed to admit that I've neglected my blog for the last several months. So much has happened that I couldn't possibly blog about it all. It turns out my son is not bi-polar and we also ruled out several other disorders. Apparently he is now considered PDD (pervasive development disorder), and he does have Sensory Integration Disorder. He is doing much better since his doctor put him on Intuitive. He's on 3mg daily which has really helped with his anxieties and behavior.

I finally did something about my anxieties in October. I was so ashamed to admit how anxiety ridden I was to my friends and family. A couple of close friends strongly suggested I get on a medicine like Lexapro to help me. I agreed to talk to my doctor and she put me on Zoloft which I've been since October. What a difference it has made in my life. I felt so much better after the second week and the worst side effect was being drowsy. A month later that has pretty much went away. I am now in control and have conquered all of the anxieties I was experiencing plus I was able to help my son. I feel like a new woman and like my old self before all this started. I lost my youngest son to Spinal Muscular Atrophy and he was 5 months old when he earned his wings. We decided to stop having more children since it was possible for it occur in the next baby. We had our oldest which is more than many couples. I would have panic attacks in his final weeks and they continued for a few more weeks. It started with one fear that multiplied to several more over the next few years. I kept telling myself it was ok and that I could handle it. But I really couldn't and became a person who hated leaving the house. I would also stress about having to travel. It was controlling my life, and I even went to therapy which helped some, but the medicine was what I really needed. I'm just glad I stopped ignoring the problem and got the help I desperately needed. My life is so much better, and I love driving again. I enjoy getting out again.

I also started losing weight at the same time. I had really let myself go after I lost our baby. I became depressed and eating was how I comforted myself. I was gaining weight before kids, but I really packed it on after kids. I will write another post about my weight loss journey that I am still on, but I just wanted to write a little about what I've been doing the last few months. I plan to write about how eating healthy doesn't have to be so expensive. I am getting healthier again and exercising daily. It feels good to take care of me first so I can take care of my family. As women we always neglect ourselves and put everyone else first. How can we help others if we don't help ourselves first? Many of us are also trying to be super woman by doing it all. I can't and I am no longer ashamed to ask for help when I need it. I enjoy getting some alone time to pamper myself or just go in my bedroom to read quietly. My family knows the rule that when I'm in my bedroom with the door closed it's my time. If you aren't bleeding, on fire, or dying then don't bother me.


Jenny said...

Bonnie, I am so sorry that you have been through so much! Thank goodness you have found what works for you and your son.

I have been dealing with anxiety for the last 15 years. Celexa works best for me right now. I also take Valium as needed.

I hope you both continue to do well!

Steve Borgman said...

Bonnie, thanks for sharing so candidly. I can relate. My son was diagnosed at age 3. He is in mainstream classes, but is not wired to understand social relationships. He's my inspiration for specializing in this area in my part-time practice as a licensed counselor. I thought I would share a new site I have started, called, to bring help, hope, and understanding to children with Asperger's and their parents.

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